{"id":1091,"date":"2013-07-30T21:20:10","date_gmt":"2013-07-30T21:20:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.com\/blog\/?p=1091"},"modified":"2013-07-30T22:42:07","modified_gmt":"2013-07-30T22:42:07","slug":"podiatry-woes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/2013\/07\/30\/podiatry-woes\/","title":{"rendered":"Podiatry woes"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"celine\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So, I tried. I tried, but I failed. I wanted to be a part of the ugly sandal crew (members exist, right?) but I couldn\u2019t muster the necessary cool. The black Birkenstocks arrived this morning and were promptly returned this afternoon. I was hoping to channel C\u00e9line. I instead channelled C\u00e9line Dion \u2013 C\u00e9line Dion on a particularly bad day, after a boozy night out and an argument with Ren\u00e9, feet swollen like those of a hobbit.<\/p>\n

I do not have pretty feet. They are a size 8 but I still try to convince myself that they are a size 7. This is due to YEARS of having to squish my teenage feet into size 7s. Not for some shallow visual effect, just because shops then didn\u2019t venture beyond a size 7, not for women anyway. Seeing a future ahead of retail purchases limited to Long Tall Sally, I wedged my feet into those size 7s for years, until some marketing genius noticed the genetic growth of the nation. By then, the damage was done \u2013 bulbous, creased squished toes, I paint such a pretty picture.<\/p>\n

I am aware of this reality thanks to the incessant, innate honesty of my 2-year-old son. He cannot help but regard my feet with utter disdain and often requests that I, \u201cput them away\u2026please.\u201d My abhorrence of my own feet was exacerbated today by the arrival of the Birkenstocks. Husband commented, \u201cYou look like an 70\u2019s R.E. teacher.\u201d They sent the child into a nose-dive tantrum that lasted 20 minutes, interspersed by, \u201cI DOWNT LIKE MUMMY\u2019S TOES!\u201d Just to put this incident into perspective, I have been airing the toes in sandals of various guises for many months now, encouraged by the heat wave. Not once have these other open-toed beauties caused such hysteria.<\/p>\n

So I therefore rescind my many Birkenstock pins on Pinterest<\/a> and ask you kindly Doreen of Twitter, to stop sending me pictures of the various B-word sandals every 45 minutes or so.<\/p>\n

Original images (pre-manipulation) courtesy of Jayne Min of Stop It Right Now<\/a>. She pulls off the awesomeness of C\u00e9line without a hint of Dion & I’m beyond envious.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, I tried. I tried, but I failed. I wanted to be a part of the ugly sandal crew (members exist, right?) but I couldn\u2019t muster the necessary cool. The black Birkenstocks arrived this morning and were promptly returned this afternoon. I was hoping to channel C\u00e9line. I instead channelled C\u00e9line Dion \u2013 C\u00e9line Dion […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1091","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fashion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1091","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1091"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1091\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1099,"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1091\/revisions\/1099"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1091"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1091"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.randomfashioncoolness.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1091"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}